Any sexual exploration is all about what feels right, no matter what body size you are. Fat sex, thin sex, or any connection in between, you should feel comfortable and good about what you are doing. Living in a larger body comes with a whole set of its own challenges from finding a towel to wrap around your entire body, to finding affirming clothing that actually fits. Don’t let any challenges make you feel inadequate as you figure out how to experience pleasurable sex. Anal sex is for everyone! The anus is the great equalizer, folks of all ages, sexual orientations, body configuration, etc, all have an asshole and it might be fun for you to explore it.
All you need to explore is a willing butt and a good lubricant.
Back Door Basics
Relaxation, lubrication, and communication are the key factors in exploring anyone’s backdoor. Besides using anal safe toys, meaning sex toys that have a flared base so they don’t get lost in the body, all you need to explore is a willing butt and a good lubricant. Your partner might be amazing, but they are unfortunately not a mind reader. Having a conversation before you have anal sex for the first time is important, and during the act, if you want more or less of something, let your partner know!
Foreplay and external backdoor massage can be an ideal starter for a night of anal, but don’t downplay the importance of making sure your entire body is relaxed. Start by massaging your lower back, caressing your inner thighs, and then slowly working your way up to massage the outside entrance of your anus. Ensuring you’re relaxed is a great way to help avoid tensing your muscles involuntarily. You know your body best, so whatever you have to do to relax your whole body and mind is good here.
Take It Slow
Release any expectations you might have about anal. Instead of focusing on penetration right at the start, try to enjoy the buildup and give lighter anal play a try. This is wide open to any interpretation and could mean anything you feel comfortable with. Anal doesn’t have to be penetration, it could be sex toys or fingers or just mouths. It’ll give you a better idea of what kind of sensations you can experience with anal stimulation, then you can decide if penetration is your next step. Or not! If you decide some light anal play is all you’re interested in, camp out there forever.
No rules here, except to use lube, have consent. Sometimes, it might take a few tries to make it happen. And sometimes, you need to size down or change positions. Worst case, you might need to wait until another day, sometimes bodies can be fickle!
Don’t let body confidence stop you from exploring potentially pleasurable experiences.
Confidence is key!
Don’t let body confidence stop you from exploring potentially pleasurable experiences. Your partner knows exactly what you look like, and guess what? They want to be in the bedroom with you. It’s very likely that your partner is interested in you because of the way your body looks, not in spite of the way your body looks. Your butt is beautiful. If you’re going to let someone penetrate your backdoor, the easiest way to make it pleasurable is to make sure you’re relaxed, especially about how your body looks. It may not be your most favorite body part, but the reality is that someone will be looking at it, they may be licking it, or penetrating it. All butts are beautiful. If you’re not super confident yet, having dim sexy lighting can help not highlight areas you don’t feel as confident about.
Don’t let the chance of running into some poop deter you either. No, you’re not going to be swimming in feces, but you might want to prepare yourself for the chance of running into some remnants so you don’t get upset if you do see a little bit. It’s a natural part of anal play and don’t let it hold you back from enjoying a truly pleasurable experience. If doing an enema will help you play more confidently then go for it! But hey, sometimes shit happens!
Porn can be great for getting new position ideas, but don’t compare yourself to adult content creators. Keep in mind, when you make porn, you need to show actual penetration, which means you need to stay positioned open up for the camera. Camera prep for on-screen anal scenes will also usually includes a lengthy routine of enemas, very little food, and anti-diarrhea medicines to ensure no on-camera accidents.
- Doggy style, where you position yourself on your hands and knees (on all fours) and your partner enters from behind, can work well for plus-size bodies. Larger butts may find backdoor entry challenging, but the additional exposure given from this particular angle can break that barrier down. Adding a Liberator Wedge to lean on can help support your weight and make it more comfortable, or a Doggie Strap to get more leverage.
- Crouching doggy style can be a modified position that might be more comfortable. To get into this position, get on all fours but crouch down on your knees and forearms (think of child’s pose in yoga). This way your butt will be lifted in the air and give more access so your partner can kneel behind you and penetrate you from behind. As usual, this can be made easier with the assistance of a Liberator Wedge.
- Bull Rider style is a position where the person being penetrated is on top with your partner lying down on the bed while you straddle them, facing forward or you can turn around and face their feet. This position allows the receiver to control the penetration. Just be sure to use your headboard or whatever is at your disposal to help support you. You can also add a sex stool for some extra support and help to bounce.
- Spooning position is when you and your partner lie down on your side with your partner behind you. Your partner then lifts your top leg up so they can have better access to your backdoor. For added stability, lay the hand that’s closest to the bed above your head and use your second hand to support you on the bed. Then your partner can have a hands-free experience that allows for other stimulation.
- In face-to-face position you’ll want to lie on your back on the bed with your partner kneeling between your knees. To get better access you should scoot up their knees so your butt is resting on their thighs, you can use a wedge pillow to help with this. Then you can wrap your legs behind their back, rest them on your partner’s chest or bend your knees and put them flat on the bed, whatever is most comfortable. This helps prop your butt up and gives easier access to your partner while still leaving you open for other stimulation. You can also add the Saffron Thigh Sling to help support your legs and keep them open.
Everything is up for communication and negotiation when it comes to making a few changes to your positioning.
The most important part is figuring out what works best for you and your partner’s exact body configuration. Bodies will vary, so finding how to best make your bodies work together should be a fun experience. Communicate your needs, and try to get as comfortable with each other as possible, don’t get discouraged, and try a few positions to figure out something that works for both of you. Don’t be scared to modify as you need it. It’s totally fine to kneel instead of sitting or lying down, or using the floor instead of the bed because you need a firmer surface, or to use Liberator Pillows for the most comfortable positioning, and stabilize yourself on a piece of furniture (the back of the couch is an exceptional sex-assist). That’s the thing about positions; they’re guides, not rules. Everything is up for communication and negotiation when it comes to making a few changes to your positioning.
Length is your friend
When you’re looking for toys, look for ones with ergonomic curves, soft bends, or long handles, which make it much easier to navigate over a pronounced belly or a bodacious butt. For both penises and vaginas, a classic wand-style massager is perfect because of the longer handle. The B-vibe Anal Massage Kit comes with everything you need to explore the backdoor easily because the long insertable cap fits on the wand that is already nice and easy to wield around round bellies.
Getting a backdoor toy with a remote can be handy because once you pop them in you can use the remote (or in some cases a phone app) to control the vibration without having to reach around and mess with any buttons while you’re wearing the plug. Anal toys with handles can also make it easier to reach your back door, so double dildos like the Share, Strap-On-Me, Blush, and Vixen-style toys can be used to penetrate yourself by holding the internal bulb as a handle, or getting a dildo with a handle like the Tantus G-Force, or simply using longer toys like the Icicles 67 Glass Anal Beads, Colours Double Dildo, or a curved dual-ended glass wand. You don’t need to use the entire insertable length but it makes it much easier to hold and reach around curvy bodies.
You can also create your own handle with 2 dildos, as long as one has a suction cup base. The Temptasia Twist set is my favorite backdoor set because they graduate slowly in size, are nice and smooth for backdoor penetration, and have a strong suction cup base that you can either suction to a surface and sit on, or suction the bases together and use one as a handle. You can also do this with two dildos with a flat base and a double-sided suction cup to attach two together.
The End (get it)
Being fat might add some extra considerations when exploring your backdoor but it’s possible for anyone interested. Your backdoor is much more high-maintenance than other sex acts since the anus doesn’t self-lubricate as the vagina does. But no worries! It just means you need a good lube, as well as plenty of warm-up and preparation to have enjoyable anal sex.