Hello, fellow creeps! It’s my favorite freaky holiday again, Halloween! It’s been a couple of years since I’ve celebrated by wrangling the spookiest sex toys I’ve found out in the wild.
I’ve dug through hundreds and hundreds of truly upsetting products to bring you the 15 most unhinged toys yet.
If you’re looking for a hair-raising, spine-chilling fright, you’ve come to the right place. I’ve dug through hundreds and hundreds of truly upsetting products to bring you the 15 most unhinged toys yet. But, enter at your own risk! Some of these sex toys (and materials) are what nightmares are made of. But, that is what you came here for, right?
15. The Talking Titty
MY EYES ARE UP HERE
14. Bubble Tea Stroker
I think of this every time I poke a boba straw. Now you will too
13. Screaming Sea Creature
I can hear this picture.
12. Massive Middle Finger for Some Reason
This seems almost too literal.
11. Horrifying Face (with a Six Pack?!) Dildo
Pretty sure nobody asked for this.
10. Dildo Seemingly Coming Out of a Booty Hole
A “rose” huh? How romantic.
9. Tittyface
Grateful that this doesn’t have hollow nostrils.
8. The DP Scooter
Street legal?? Only one way to find out.
7. Jurassic Cock Chastity Cage
Life, unfortunately, finds a way.
6. The Hellraiser
Pretty sure these actually ship from hell.
5. The Booty Shroom
Foraging is my passion.
4. Kenfucky Fried Chicken Stroker
Who’s hungry? (This is a one of a kind masterpiece by @mlazri!)
3. Whisper of the Penis Ear Onahole
I have never felt like I needed a Q-Tip more in my entire life.
2. Tiny Hand Vibrator
Excuse me?????
1. The Vagene Simmons
My junk is currently rocking and rolling into the fetal position.
In conclusion, what the fuck is all this??? I’m horrified. I hope you are too. Sorry, not sorry. Happy Halloween!
Love, Matty
