The COVID-19 era has forced us all to consider drastic innovations to continue the ability to access and enjoy our life-affirming needs. Though likely not often-enough discussed, if partnered with a penis-possessing person, the value in adapting to embracing the joys of edging in erotic play is well worth considering. Evolving from the “wham, bam, thank you ma’am” theory of sex to learning how to lengthen love-making by delaying orgasm — when sex is more an unexpected occurrence than commonplace activity — is ultimately essential.
Great sex is as much a study in effective communication in foreplay as it is a celebration of unparalleled orgasmic pleasure. Some refer to edging as “surfing.” When considering the benefits of edging, comparing great sex to artfully navigating cresting waves is logical from a psychological standpoint. If anything, edging highlights the importance of exploring depth and communication scope, thus increasing the psycho-sexual bond between you and your partner to maximize erotic play’s excitement.
When considering the benefits of edging, comparing great sex to artfully navigating cresting waves is logical from a psychological standpoint.
Medical News Today defines an orgasm as the “pleasurable release of accumulated sexual tension,” that is accompanied by “a rise in blood pressure, an increased heart rate, heavy breathing, and rhythmic muscular contractions.” Critical in this definition is the identification of ebbs, flows, and rhythms. As related to this, edging requires learning-to-mastering how to aid your partner in reaching 99% of their orgasmic potential. From there, the actual “play” of edging involves teasing and tantalizing their levels of peak arousal beneath that level. Then, surfing that wave of sexual tension until…the “wipeout,” if we’re taking the metaphor to its end, is the ideal.
Edging forces a penis-possessing person to adapt to the idea that their life-force is not attached to action but a reaction. There’s an argument to be made that those who possess penises have — because of socialization — a preoccupation with insertable forms of intercourse that are a race to achieving a thrusting, inherently physical, orgasm. However, in removing this notion from the conversation, it completely reconfigures the mind-to-body connection and expectation. Because of this, the orgasm becomes more an event to be cultivated than an inherent physical need.
For edging to achieve its most ideal outcome, the need for both a penis-possessor and their partner to read the penis-possessor’s physical cues is essential. Problematically, traditional penile-vaginal and penile-anal intercourse have stereotypically involved the failure to use a nuanced understanding of gradations of arousal.
the idea of turning sex into an action that involves peaks, valleys, twists, and turns will be physically, psychologically, and emotionally challenging.
Therefore, it’s wise to engage in play at a slow, measured, and almost precautionary initial pace (let’s take a moment to suggest having a multi-speed Magic Wand massager with attachments, available for general exploration) if engaging in edging. Suppose your partner’s average penis-involved sex is an act that is five hard minutes of thrusting that does not change speed. In that case, the idea of turning sex into an action that involves peaks, valleys, twists, and turns will be physically, psychologically, and emotionally challenging.
It takes the human brain three-to-five months to adapt to change. Apply this to edging, and realize that the road to elongated pleasure will require appreciating subtlety instead of immediacy as the most prominent sexual expectation. Of course, this article is being written during a pandemic involving a physically-transmitted virus that could last for four more years. This being the case, we certainly have the time and ability to consider the necessary changes required for edging to be most beneficial.
Removing traditional penile-vaginal and penile-anal intercourse from edging-involved sex allows for introducing the “full-body orgasm.” Exploring — via sex — the idea that the human body is a complex, inter-related machine can have dynamic and life-changing results. All human arousal points connect to the reproductive system for as much as the hip bone is connected to the leg bone. Creating a unique interplay between all arousable parts of the body can initiate a sexual experience perhaps more enticing, shocking, or even physically powerful than the traditional thrusting expectation.
Consider that humans have 650 different muscles and five senses that control or are influenced by 100 billion neurons and seven trillion nerves. This means that there are 24.5 octillion ways — at a minimum, that all impact the same region of the body — to uniquely achieve arousal. Exploring the expectations of unlimited erotic potential — in prose, then ideally, for you, the reader, in the act — is necessary.
Yes, of course, there is anal play. The membranes attached to your sphincter muscles — the ones that control the opening and closing of the anus — are composed of a series of hyper pressure-sensitive nerve endings. For teasing pleasure in this manner, using a prostate massager (I suggest Nexus’ prostate massagers for quality of material, comfort upon insertion for neophytes, and ease of use via remote play) or dildo (Pillow Talk’s Feisty Rechargeable Thrusting Vibrator, for instance) is ballyhooed.
Given that edging is adjacent to tease and denial play, it has sexual familial ties to dominance and submission (D/s) play.
However, there’s everything from toe-sucking to thigh-biting, nipple-clamping to scalp-massaging, neck and back-cracking, orifice-sniffing, breath play, nipple-sucking, and of course, direct penile manipulation (with a stroker like Tenga’s disposable masturbation sleeves, with various textures, in their egg-shaped containers for instance) that can, and should, be used. Monitoring how your penis-having partner responds to a myriad of different stimuli that heighten their arousal can be an educational experience that strengthens both orgasmic pleasures but sexual health awareness, too.
Given that edging is adjacent to tease and denial play, it has sexual familial ties to dominance and submission (D/s) play. Because this is the case, it is also important to note the need to engage in some “aftercare” following allowing your partner to achieve their penile orgasm.
As much as edging enhances pleasure, it also requires a greater willingness to be physically and emotionally vulnerable. As well, it requires a person typically governed by testosterone and aggression to deny their typical behavior. On a relational level, it requires a desire to accept sex as a more intimate psychological act.
Because humans are Pavlovian, rewarding this wholesale evolution of behavior is important. Foremost, it initiates a sense of deep kindness and genuine appreciation. However, if you want to continue to engage in edging, implying that expanding sex’s longevity leads to activity that causes a higher state of calm and relief is ideal. It can ensure that the entire process is one your partner — because of the post-sexual interplay — will want to continue to welcome into their sexual lives.
The COVID era has dramatically impacted our access to regular sex. However, it need not slow the evolution of our best sexual selves. In blending interpersonal communication and self-expression while simultaneously pleasure, edging should not be a questioned consideration. Instead, edging adapts healthy relationships to the modern age.