Getting to the Bottom of Bottoming

Anal sex is the shit. Given the subject matter, this might not seem like the best verbiage, but I chose this phrasing to make a point. You see, pain and poop are two of the most common misconceptions people attribute to anal sex.

While these outcomes are certainly possible, they are much less likely to occur if you educate yourself on the mechanics of anal sex beforehand. In reality, this can be applied to all forms of sex, the only difference being that our shitty sex ed curriculum (again, poor phrasing) doesn’t even flirt with the idea that our succulent peaches can be an incredible source of sexual pleasure. So we have no other option but to assume how things work, which doesn’t always go so well.

Now, there are a number of reasons why anal is omitted from the curriculum, some of which we address here, but I’m willing to bet that you can take an educated guess. And since we’ve already tapped into topping (being the insertive partner during anal sex), let’s come full circle with this knowledge and get to the bottom of bottoming.

Start Fresh

Most of the bad things you’ve heard about anal sex are false or greatly exaggerated. Before I explored, all I’d heard about anal sex were horror stories of people shitting all over the place, with the curious shared detail that the shitting almost exclusively occurred on white couches.

My point is that anal sex is steeped in stigma, not scat. But these fear tactics have been consistent for so long that we’ve become influenced by them. So first and foremost, I encourage you to abandon what you’ve heard about anal sex and make room for your own opinions.

Another misconception is that anal sex will make you gay, which has never ceased to astound me. As a certified sex educator, I can confidently say that your asshole does not have a sexual orientation, and engaging in anal sex does not, in fact, make you gay. It’s a universal source of pleasure that we all have the autonomy to explore if we choose to. Simple as that.

Thankfully, this antiquated opinion is promptly being extinguished, and more and more folks outside of the gay community are spreading their cheeks and realizing just how deeply satisfying anal play can be. According to a survey from anal care brand Future Method, 72 percent of Americans have engaged in anal sex as either the bottom or the top, and more than one in four people have been on both ends.

Embark on a Solo Mission

Nobody understands your body like you do, so I always encourage people to begin their anal journey on their own. That way, there is no pressure from a partner to perform, and you can explore at a pace that you’re comfortable with.

If you have the resources, you’re best off to purchase an anal training kit, which more or less serves as a personal trainer for your booty hole. The Anal Training Kit and Education Set from b-Vibe contains three sex toys of graduated sizes, as well as an enema bulb, lubricant applicator, and a 60+ page guide on the ins and outs of anal sex so you can embark on this booty-full journey with confidence.

I recommend a training kit or dilation set because you need to train the sphincter muscles to accommodate a toy or penis since these muscles are accustomed to being closed tight most of the time. If you suddenly introduce something foreign without training first, you’ll be sore afterward. Think of it like going to the gym after some time off. Those muscles are going to be sore the next day, right? It’s no different here. Your booty needs a workout too.

However, contrary to popular opinion, the primary objective of anal training here isn’t to stretch your asshole open. You’re not training yourself to become “loose.” You’re training the muscle to accommodate a new sensation that, until this point, has been foreign to your body. As you begin training, your booty will become more and more familiar with this sensation, and you can eventually graduate to larger sizes.

Let’s Talk About Prep, Baby

Let’s first address the big brown elephant in the room: shit happens. Anal sex, like any form of sex, is susceptible to fluids and bodily functions. But the thing with poop is it’s probably a lot less likely than you think it is.

Here’s the thing: The rectum is roughly seven inches long, and it’s important to note that poop is not stored in the rectum. Rather, it’s stored in a chamber above the rectum called the sigmoid colon, which is closed off by a valve-like structure known as the rectosigmoid junction. The rectum is simply a passageway for stool to exit the body.

Considering the average penis is around 5.5 inches, most penises and toys will only come in contact with the rectum, meaning the only potential for poop is whatever remains on the rectal walls from your most recent bowel movement.

If you’ve pooped roughly an hour prior to intercourse and have scrubbed your booty down in the shower, it should be taken care of. However, you do have the option of douching with an enema bulb. While it’s unnecessary, some people like to douche since it makes them feel more comfortable knowing they’ve attempted to prevent a potential mess.

What douching does, essentially, is wash away whatever stool remains in the rectum so it’s squeaky clean for fucking. (If you’re curious about douching, head over here.) However, douching is not the healthiest regimen for your body, so if you do decide to douche, do so sparingly and keep rinsing to a minimum.

Lube TF Up

Lube is absolutely necessary during anal sex, although some people like to brag that they don’t “need” it. But…they do. Trust me on this. Your ass doesn’t lubricate itself like a vulva does, and spit simply isn’t enough. It doesn’t contain proper lubricity, and we simply don’t produce enough of it to be beneficial for anal sex.

Our anal skin is incredibly thin, making it especially susceptible to irritation and injury. So when you apply the lube, put it on the toy/penis and your hole and rectum using a finger or lubricant applicator.

As for what kind of lube you should use, you have a couple of options.  Most water-based lubes are universal and compatible with any sex toy. For anal, I generally recommend a thicker water-based lube with a gel-like consistency to better cushion friction. People like myself prefer silicone-based lubes, which are naturally thicker and slicker than water-based lubricants. They also last longer and don’t have to be reapplied as often. However, silicone lubes are not ideal for silicone toys as it can warp the material.

Romance the Hole

It’s never a good idea to rush into penetration, especially with anal sex. Your ass needs time to relax and acclimatize before fucking. Just like lube, foreplay is non-negotiable. Think of your asshole as an introvert that needs time to warm up in a social setting. Only instead of conversation your hole responds to arousal.

Start by rubbing the hole and see how that feels. Next, try a well-lubricated finger, inserting it very slowly and communicating throughout. After that, see how a tongue around the anus feels. Keep building toward penetration if that’s the goal. You could even use a modest-sized anal toy that massages the sphincter muscles, like the Rimming Plug, to relax prior to penetration with a partner.

When you’re ready to insert a penis, go very slowly; I’m talking half an inch at a time, and let it rest in place until you push forward. The sphincter muscles need time to recognize what’s happening before they can relax.

You might be best to start in the “rider-on-top” position. This way, you can determine the depth and speed of penetration, which can be especially helpful when initially entering. It may help to push out as if you’re having a bowel movement while the penis or toy is being inserted, as this will help open the sphincter muscles. As long as you’ve douched or recently defecated, you won’t be pooping on your partner.

Treat Yourself to Some Aftercare

Whether your ass was pounded into oblivion, you didn’t train enough, or you didn’t use enough lube, sometimes our asses can be irritated or sore after anal sex. This is where aftercare comes in.

If you’re feeling sore or irritated, a nice warm bath with Epsom salts will offer instant relief. It also presents a lovely opportunity to revisit those steamy memories or assess what could be done better next time, so a hemorrhoid-quelling bath isn’t necessary. Anal creams like Preparation H and Anusol can soothe as well, and ibuprofen is similarly helpful with inflammation.

Treating yourself to a cuddle sesh, a glass of water, or a lukewarm Uber Eats delivery could also be considered aftercare. But everyone is different, so you may want to ask how they like to come down from a hook-up since that could present a possible compatibility issue. For example, some people prefer to fuck-and-go, which may not mesh with someone who likes post-coital cuddles and intimacy.

The key to successful anal sex is to take your time and relinquish your ego. Lube and communication are paramount, as is making sure your partner is comfortable. But again, this can be applied to most forms of sex. The only missing element is education, which hopefully you’ve gotten from this article.

Now set forth, my burgeoning bottom, and explore the many pleasures that await you and your backend. If you’re looking for more info on anal sex, keep scrolling through the spectrum journal or visit b-vibe’s Booty Blog, which exclusively covers educational anal content.