I met Midori at the 2018 AASECT Conference in Denver, CO. In a busy hotel lobby full of sexual health research poster displays, we bumped into each other while chit-chatting with mutual friends. I was star-struck! I had been selling Midori’s books for as long as I had been in the sex toy world, and now I was meeting the awesome educator whose work I had admired for so long.
I had been selling Midori’s books for as long as I had been in the sex toy world, and now I was meeting the awesome educator whose work I had admired for so long.
I of course attended her conference session titled “Moving Toward Pragmatic, Judgment-free Language in Discussion of BDSM Desires”, and was blown away by how she entirely recontextualized my understanding of power dynamics — and to this day I can attribute most of what I know today regarding BDSM to Midori. If you ever have the opportunity to attend a class or lecture of hers, whether in person or virtual, do it. Later, I was lucky enough to grab a drink with her, and we have kept in touch ever since.
Midori is to thank for what, in my opinion, was one of the most profound videos I’ve ever been a part of; the rope episode of Sex Stuff, where I received rope for the first time, cried from overwhelmingly positive emotions — and apparently made some viewers cry as well! I had only met her that one time in Denver, but she brought magic to the set of Sex Stuff that left such an impression on viewers, that I still hear people talk about how much they were moved by her work in that video.
Obviously, I wanted more time to learn from her outside of AASECT and our one day of shooting, so I attended her ForteFemme class in San Francisco. I learned all about how “being dominant” doesn’t always equate to being Toppy McTopperson (as she calls it) and how the act of giving or receiving sensation can be entirely independent of giving or receiving power. (You want to hear more about that, right? Well, sign up for ForteFemme!)
Right before COVID, she and I met our mutual friend in Miami and spent a weekend enjoying Art Basel. She was also teaching mini-classes in Miami, and at last, I got to learn about tying rope instead of simply receiving rope. And while I spent time in a classroom environment with her that weekend, getting to chat in a non-work environment as well showed me yet another layer of Midori’s coolness — she is a delight to hang out with! Now I not only consider Midori an inspiration and teacher, but also a friend.
I was so excited when Midori agreed to do an interview with me and I had an opportunity to ask about one of her iconic books -- The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage
I was so excited when Midori agreed to do an interview with me and I had an opportunity to ask about one of her iconic books — The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage. Midori shared her responses with me over email, and I really appreciated how much detail she shared and how much of her time she devoted to this. Whether you’re a writer, an artist, a kinkster, into rope, or none of the above, you are sure to enjoy her thoughts!
I believe it’s about 70,000 copies sold to date.
Please tell me a bit about how The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage came into existence!
There’s the short version and the long version.
The Short Version
In 1998 or 1999, Janet Hardy of Greenery Press scouted me, after noticing that I was teaching fun Japanese rope classes that included deep cultural knowledge. Since there weren’t any original English how-to books on shibari, she asked me and I said yes. We teamed up with the photographer Craig Morey. September 2001, “Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage” was published, receiving fantastic reception. It’s been selling continuously for the last 20 years. I believe it’s about 70,000 copies sold to date.
Those of us Shibari lovers were uncommon even amongst the unconventional.
Long Version (Midori said this hardly scratches the surface of all the cultural context and people’s influences that converge to that moment when Janet asked her to write the book)
Sometime in 1998 or 1999, Janet Hardy, the founder and Executive Editor of Greenery Press approached me about writing a book on the topic. At that time in the kink subcultures of North America, shibari was very much a niche interest among a small number of devotees. It wasn’t yet popular in the general kink subcultures – and this is when kink, in general, was still underground. Those of us Shibari lovers were uncommon even amongst the unconventional. A fringe within the fringe. It’s hard to imagine today, isn’t it?
Greenery Press was one of the rare publishers specializing in kink non-fiction. Another was Daedalus Publishing founded by Race Bannan. Both, niche companies based in San Francisco.
Here’s the situation and context around that time. Yes, San Francisco was a place where pervs could perv on without raising too many eyebrows, but this was a mere few years past the worst of the HIV pandemic. A whole generation of men and women died. A lot of kink-ways, cultures, and kink information vanished along with them. The mainstream cultural norm and political tone in the US were definitely sex-negative, especially as the “Culture War” raged on. BDSM, as well as homosexuality, were still formally considered mental disorders; often illegal, and highly stigmatized. These small publishers definitely bucked the norm.
Other than professional sex workers who also shared their knowledge (which is also how much of rope and kink information is taught and transmitted in Japan, even today) kink education was not professionalized at that time.
In this environment, the instructional material on Japanese-style rope bondage that we managed to source were often items brought back from Japan – usually through clandestine means. Mostly magazines and booklets, but occasionally the over-duplicated VCR tapes. QSM, which stood for “Quality Sado-Masochism” was the name of a curious little bookstore and education space, located in the highly gentrified Noe Valley district of San Francisco. Somehow the owner, Karen Mendelsson (I’m not sure on the correct spelling of her last name) managed to get her hands on rare international kink books as well as scant publications that rarely left Japan. Sometimes magazines printed in Hong Kong would come through – which didn’t have the pixelated genitals, as the ones from Japan did. (The laws in Japan against showing genitals in porn were set in place in American-occupied post-war Japan. That’s a whole other story for another time!)
As for in-person teaching, there were only a few organizations facilitating these. Other than professional sex workers who also shared their knowledge (which is also how much of rope and kink information is taught and transmitted in Japan, even today) kink education was not professionalized at that time. (Remember that this is highly stigmatized back then.)
Cynthia Slater, Cybell Holiday, Cleo Dubois, and Kaye Buckly are good examples. Many of the well-regarded rope tops and rope skill teachers in the area were women. Kaye Buckly had worked in the industry in Japan, returned to the US, and shared her skills on a selective basis. Lou Duff taught and made her lovely ropes under the business name of Dark Angel. Some of the other influential enthusiasts at the time, who chose to be out, included Amrita, John Murakawa, and James Mogul. There were others, whose names never went public because the kink cultures at that time were deeply concerned with privacy. With rare exceptions, photos of scenes weren’t taken and they were rarely shared. Some of the photographers who gained trust and access to document private play included Mark Chester, Barbara Nitke, Efrain Gonzalez, Fakir Musafar, Michelle Handelman, Catherine Opie, to name a few.
We experimented with and learned with each other.
I moved to San Francisco in 1991 and came into being more engaged in socially centered sexual spaces, and not just playing privately in my bedroom. At that time, the web, as we know it, hadn’t been widely adopted yet. Pervy people in most major cities had some sort of underground, counter-culture, and sexual social spaces. Many of these had been around for decades, all under the radar. For the rest of the country and the world (as well as for the people in these major urban centers), there were digital ‘Usenet newsgroups and AOL. Yup. That and phone-based and mail-based services to connect people, like People Exchanging Power. Let’s not forget coded personal ads in fringe papers like the Village Voice and Bay Guardian. It was harder, but not impossible to find each other. There were also far fewer large conferences, but these tended to draw people who played pretty intensely. At this time, many of the kink skills and methods we consider “best practices” today, were still being developed and shared, usually informally. While there were only a handful of large gatherings and a smaller pool of pervs willing to travel to them, this also meant that we saw the same people frequently. We were playing with heavy transgressions of sexual boundaries, pushing societal norms, and exploring our personal emotional edges. We experimented with and learned with each other. Many of these experimentations eventually would become what’s ‘standard’ today. There were, of course, many experiments that should probably never be repeated again. We exchanged ideas in these seething sexual frontiers.
In reality, like any other cultural strategy, kink, rope, and shibari skills are transmitted via a complex interconnected network of people and social influences.
By the late 90’s I’d already been developing curricula and teaching regularly on a broad range of safer sex and smarter kink classes, as well as doing unconventional, underground sex education. The sexual and kink skills were all informed by my own ‘research’ as well as lessons learned from those around me, my peers, and the more experienced people.
All of this is to say that none of us learned on our own or from a singular source. There wasn’t a single ‘family tree’ of kink learning. I’ve noticed a popular narrative, that kink skills, especially shibari, are learned from one master of the craft to a few disciples, and so on. That one studied with a specific style and not the other. It sounds a lot like lineage talk among martial arts of Asian origin. Layer that into Orientalism, already rampant in Japanese rope. In reality, like any other cultural strategy, kink, rope, and shibari skills are transmitted via a complex interconnected network of people and social influences. It’s less of a single tree trunk, and more a mycological web of ideas just under the social surface, which pops up periodically like mushrooms after the rain. We just don’t notice or think much about how what we see and do come to be.
Anyhow, let’s get back to the late ’90s, shall we? I wrote a monthly column for the legendary, notorious (and now defunct) local sexuality newspaper “Spectator”. Janet Hardy saw that I could write, explain, and teach competently. How-to kink books were scarce then, and bookmaking was still done in a conventional way with established publishers being the gatekeepers and taste-makers. Even for the underground kinksters, “SM 101” and “Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns” which had only recently been released, seemed the only kink instruction books one could buy, if any. Janet saw that there were no Japanese rope bondage books on the general market. So she approached me.
Janet and Greenery Press broke with their standard style of small-format paperbacks illustrated with drawings. She took a chance on a larger coffee table book with color photos by the portraitist, Craig Morey. I am sure this made her plenty nervous, as she didn’t expect this book to sell much, and she was likely going to lose money. Remember, shibari was still fringe within the fringe. Given how expensive and cumbersome book designing and printing were back then, she had to balance the overhead with the projected sales. This limited our budget, which limited how many color plates we could include in the book. I wished we could have put in more. In her generous spirit, and I suppose she felt bad that this book likely won’t sell much, she gave me a higher than normal author’s royalty. To this day, she jokes about how she miscalculated that.
The book came out a week or so after the 9/11 attack on the Twin Towers. With the tragedy engulfing everyone and ultimately changing the world forever, I thought my book would go to the graveyard of small press publications. Assuming for likely low sales, Janet ordered the first print run at 6,000 copies. She expected much of that would end up in storage and to the cast-off book sales. If I remember correctly, that sold out within a couple of months. This blew our minds!!! It has been in continuous print since then.
Phew, that was a long story! Thanks for sticking with me.
Growing up in Japan, images of tied-up people in movies stuck in my head.
Before the book’s publication, how did you engage with Shibari, and how long had it been a part of your life?
Omg, this is going to get long. It’s turning into some sort of a sliver of my erotic biography. I apologize in advance!
Short version
Growing up in Japan, images of tied-up people in movies stuck in my head.
My college boyfriend and I used to play tie-up-&-shag sex games, awkwardly.
Then in San Francisco in the early ’90s got into rope fun. Got lucky and met some good people who shared skills with me. Played with rope with lovers and friends. Performed with rope in San Francisco, London, Berlin, etc.
Unnecessarily long and personal version
Having grown up in Japan as the child of a scholar, a whole lot of history swirled around me, from non-fiction, fiction, folklore, pop culture, and the collective cultural narrative of Nippon. There seemed to be a lot of captured people and rope restrained bodies in all of these. Or perhaps it’s just my mind sought them out? My first exposure to rope bound bodies were historical dramas on TV and film, set in the Sengoku or Edo periods, historical images of bound and persecuted “hidden” Christians, and glimpses of posters with tied up ladies outside “elo gekijou”, or adult movie theaters, in my neighborhood. Yes, I lived in an old and rather “colorful” working-class neighborhood. Think Brooklyn before hipsters. Then there were the kabuki plays my mother took me to, that seemed to have captured heroes, villains, and pretty ladies.
The very real historical Sengoku Era (1467-1615 CE) and Edo period (1603-1868 CE) provide rich cultural lore in Japan, much like the lore of the Wild West to Americans — which also added to the cultural erotic subconscious of Japan, much like the erotic subconscious of Americans. Think cowboys, Indians, cops, soldiers, and… oh, the whole Village People, you know. They wouldn’t have been campy icons of American masculine sexuality, if not for America’s own cultural narrative.
So little Midori grew up absorbing all this. Somewhere in the back of her baby pre-perv mind, images imprinted of captured warriors enduring with gritted teeth and kimono-clad women, struggling in quiet defiance.
Fast forward to college, in a student co-op at Berkeley, my boyfriend and I taking turns tying each other to the cheap futon frame for fumbling sex games. Somehow tying seemed to arise easily into my young kinkling mind. My colleague’s sex games didn’t get that sophisticated. I blame this entirely on the sexual timidness and lack of imagination on the part of boys my age. LoL. I think I was often just a bit more experimental than them… and they didn’t quite know what to do with me. It’s hard to lead sexual creativity when I’m creative but just as clueless. So not many ropes for me in college. (What a waste)
After college, I ended up in San Francisco, not with any clear plans or visions. Just sort of ended up there. I’ve never been so good at planning for my future responsibly. There I dropped into the various fringe and underground fun. I met some really good people. I was one of the few out-and-pervy Asians. Many told me about how I ought to meet Kaye because she had a history in Japan and did Japanese-style rope. I finally got an interview with her and she taught me privately. I also learned about Lou Duff, Mr. Nagaike from Japan, and videos from Japan. Played with lovers and experimented. Around this time I’m performing at freaky little clubs like Club Jesus, Bondage a Go-Go (when it was really edgy). Eventually, I’m performing with other wonderful performers such as Kumi Monsters on much larger stages… such as The Skin Two Rubber Ball, Torture Garden, International Mr. Leather, German Fetish Ball, etc.
...I made a point to be gender-neutral, so anyone might find themselves projected into either character - or both.
Aside from the fact that it’s the first English instruction book, what sets Seductive Art apart and makes it special?
I put my heart into it and wrote it as I would for a dear friend. There’s a chapter written in two parts, side by side. One is the action, visceral and internal experience of the person casting rope and topping, the other is the visceral and internal experience of the person receiving rope and bottoming. This – this is special – as it explores one possibility of emotionality of a shibari scene. Sadly, I think many people skip this chapter because it’s all words and no diagrams, as there are in later chapters. But the actions and emotions are central to rope and play. Why do we do this anyway? To feel, to connect, to adventure, to delight.
In this chapter I made a point to be gender-neutral, so anyone might find themselves projected into either character – or both. A bit of confession – I wrote both parts as myself in that scene, in hopes that it’ll convey the first person internality.
Model selection was hugely important for both Janet and myself. We wanted people who looked like real kinksters. So I asked my real kinkster friends. Other than Dita (on the cover, yes, that’s Dita before she became the superstar that she is) all the ‘models’ are non-model regular pervs. Even with the limited number of photo plates, we still made sure to show different sizes, ages, ethnicities, genders, and orientations. There are also disabled persons, but that’s not all that visible.
It was my hope that this diversity in my book might set a new normal of representation… but all too often shibari is still represented with the stereotypical image of a white, heteronormative, cismale top with a small, flexible cisfemale bottom. This is changing of late, which is a relief for me.
What was the process of shooting the images for the book like? Which photos are your favorites or bring a fond memory to mind?
Oh my god, are you asking me to choose a favorite? That’s hard! They were all really fun.
If I had to pick one, it would be the shoot with Graylin. I adore him – he is such a great human! Just the biggest heart. As we’re getting ready, Graylin and I had this sudden pause. See, he arrived wearing his collar, big heavy chain padlocked in place. It signified his commitment in submission to a special person, in a D/s relationship. Of course to us Leather folks, it’s a symbol of love and devotion. But this was going out to the general public. A black man in a heavy chain and padlock, bound in the woods. This might be taken really the wrong way to those not in the Leather culture. Quickly we came up with a solution – wrapping a gray hankie around his neck to hide the collar, and to cheekily flag the hanky code for bondage. Hanky codes have been used by gay leathermen, and then with a wider population to non-verbally signal kink interests. It just so happens that gray means ‘I love bondage!’ Perfect. We also decided not to put him on his belly. That was so people could see his handsome physique and beautiful smile. Did you notice the black leather cowboy hat? I put that in the corner of the shot in dedication to the Buffalo Soldiers, the African American Cavalry regiments. I learned about the Buffalo Soldiers and their complex history while I was stationed at Fort Huachuca, Arizona. Oh, and the black leather part – obviously referencing my amazing Leather men brothers and uncles!
I wouldn’t want people to feel shibari has to be complicated and that it requires years of practice to even start playing.
How was the book received initially upon its release versus now 20 years later?
I should ask Janet, the publisher, what her impressions were then and now. From my perspective, it was received so well, beyond my wildest dream! Funny thing, back then, the publisher, the distributor, and often booksellers didn’t know what section to put it in. Often I found it in “self-help”, “Asian Art” or “Art” sections. If the shop had a sexuality section, and the staff were paying attention, it would end up there. But back then, progressive indie book shops were the ones who had a responsibly curated sexuality section. Today it continues to sell very well.
So many have told me that that was their intro to bondage or kink. And tragicomically, many still tell me that they’ve lost their copy because of a breakup or a friend that never returned it. Some people grumble and complain that the ties are basic and there aren’t enough of them. I wanted to keep the skills simple. I want this to be approachable, accessible, and fun. With my book I want people to feel like this is easy and they can do it too. I wouldn’t want people to feel shibari has to be complicated and that it requires years of practice to even start playing. They also don’t know the challenges in just getting this book published in the world and the time when it was. Those complaints do make me sad sometimes.
I keep trying to wrangle a part two – and I have so many notes and different starts on it. I have another book in me, but it’s been a challenge to find the time and bandwidth to write it while keeping my teaching and arts business going in these strange times of the plague.
...I knew I was good with my crafty skills and I could duplicate the functionality of leather gear with rope.
Why is rope, as opposed to other types of bondage, so unique?
Every type of bondage has its unique advantages and disadvantages.
With rope, I learned to use it and use it well because, along with my early cultural imprinting, it was cheap and accessible. I saw other pervs at parties with fancy leather gear. I couldn’t afford those. But I knew I was good with my crafty skills and I could duplicate the functionality of leather gear with rope. (In Japan they teach craft and making skills very early, including fiber and textile crafts. I did learn to make rag rope in grade school there. Now I share that during special online classes while telling stories from Japan.) Of course, the scent of rope to leather is different. I love them both – and latex too!
The smell of hemp and jute ropes take me back to tatami mats in homes and my childhood crib, which was a traditional Japanese farmers’ baby basket.
You don’t need to drop a small fortune in fancy ropes.
While I love the hemp ropes, like the ones from Twisted Monk, I also love other materials. You don’t need to drop a small fortune in fancy ropes. Having hemp or jute ropes isn’t some requirement. Some folks are getting the impression that to enjoy “real” Shibari, it has to be these materials. Which isn’t true. Hey, back in Japan, most ordinary people – not the performers and professionals – use cotton ropes. If you’re going to have sexy time fun with ropes, might as well use ropes you can easily wash. Because good sexy time fun gets messy with lube and cum and sweat and drool and…
Ropes are full of creative potential. One piece of rope can turn into so many things! One can be beautifully simple or floridly complex. Also, no sizes!
The social contract of Japan allows for very different behavior standards behind the closed doors of such commercial establishments.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on Shibari and the cultural context of its practice in the United States now, versus how Shibari is engaged with in Japan. What is it like when you’re back in Japan in rope spaces?
Oh, it’s very different. In the US and Canada, social gatherings and organizations were very commonly created by private enthusiasts. These include munches, education events, play parties, and affinity groups. I have the sense that this has been influenced strongly, if not directly by the strategies of gay and lesbian activists gathering around common sexual, political, and bonding purposes. In many ways, in the US sexual self-expression, and the pursuit of it is a political act.
In Japan, most kink gathering places are commercial establishments. There’s long precedence of this from the pleasure quarters of old Edo. The social contract of Japan allows for very different behavior standards behind the closed doors of such commercial establishments. In many ways, in Japan, sexual activities and the ability to explore them are an expression of class and social conformity. These are broad brushstroke statements, but illustrative of the radical difference in the function of sexual social behavior and organizations on either side of the Pacific. I’ve also found in Japan that there’s a lot of alcohol with kink socializing in commercial gathering places. But the same can be observed for the history of gay leather bars and many swinger spaces.
...I am profoundly saddened, and also not surprised at all, that consent and negotiation, taught as foundational in North American kink, is not the norm in Japan.
On words around ties and tying related activities – I’ve noticed that people in Japan are much less militant or insistent on what each Japanese kink words or Japanese name of ties mean. This is probably because it’s their language, and they understand the shared contextual flexibility, semantics, and semiotics. For example, in the US I’ve heard people argue intensely about which rope harness can be called “karada” or which is a “true karada”. In Japan, that argument just doesn’t happen. Why? Because “karada” just means ‘body’ or ‘torso’ – thus it’s understood as a more broadly inclusive category rather than something hyper-specific.
There is one huge glaring difference in Japan that North American kinksters might notice – if they had access to these private or commercial kink spaces (though that access may be super challenging and limited for many reasons.) It’s about pre-play conversation, or negotiation, and consent. If you approached this by standards of North American BDSM ways, rope, and all other kinks – you’d be hard-pressed to find negotiation, active mutual consent making, or even safewords, as you know them. Are play agreements made in different, more implied ways in Japan? Yes, sure. And yet… based on my playing and going to play spaces, conversations with private kinksters and industry professionals, and reactions when I’ve taught in Japan – negotiations, safewords, and consent are not happening, or thought to be so implied and vague, as to be essentially useless.
There is systemic, cultural, and institutional silence around sexual assaults. Women and girls don’t feel they have agency or voice in their sexual or bodily autonomy. This is the reality in Japan. Knowing this, I am profoundly saddened, and also not surprised at all, that consent and negotiation, taught as foundational in North American kink, is not the norm in Japan. Of course, consent and agency are stepped on in North America by many. It’s hardly perfect here. It’s just worse in Japan. I hope you’ll keep this in mind if you are learning from or enjoying material coming from Japan
One thing I have learned primarily through knowing you is how mansplainy people can be regarding Shibari. Why is there such entitlement (specifically from white people) around such a versatile craft?
Oh, gawd. Where do I start with this? I offer you, dear readers, this article of mine, on the exoticization of Shibari.
What in the world of rope has inspired you recently? How is rope evolving, and what are you hoping to see change in the coming years?
I’m loving the freestyle that I’m seeing. Super creative. Makes my heart happy! Also more representation and resources for women, nonbinary, BIPOC, shape, and abilities. I hope that more people realize that you don’t have to take pix or post them to enjoy rope play. There have also been really thoughtful discussions on consent, privilege, and cultural appropriation. Gives me a sense that we’re heading to a more humane and compassionate approach to shibari and kink in general.
Oh! And speaking of more compassion, there seems to be a quiet seismic shift coming along in the mental health and helping profession around understanding kink and BDSM towards destigmatization.
This summer, a private art collector commissioned me to create a large rope sculpture for her.
I absolutely love your art with rope, on and off of bodies! What are some recent art installations you’ve done with rope?
Thank you! That means a lot to me, as you’re a brilliant artist!
I have a few – though the pandemic has interfered with some of the exhibitions I was in.
This summer, a private art collector commissioned me to create a large rope sculpture for her. I flew out to the east coast and built it on site. I think I was weaving, tying, and sculpting for 22 hours straight. I do get lost in the flow of the work.
Last year, my 20’ tall sculpture “InVocation” was shown again in New York for the Open Society Foundations’ exhibition Sex Worker Pop-up, curated by Alexis Heller. This was held in conjunction with the UN Conference on the Status of Women. It’s a sculptural installation as well as a social practice piece. It literally weaves in stories of past and current sex workers through totemic, emotionally significant objects entrusted to me by them.
Also last year, I had this magical opportunity to transform a century-old one-bedroom apartment into a forest of rope, with a swing in it. The piece was fully interactive, meant to be experienced viscerally – touch it, climb into it, climb across it, sit amongst it. Titled “In The Pines” it was a contemplation on labor migration, impermanence of ‘home’, and forgotten histories of people who’ve come to San Francisco. The installation, part of a building-wide project, was de-installed, ironically due to the displacement of the residents of that building by the new owners. I really, really want to get to do that again.
What’s on your horizon? Any big plans for the coming years?
Yes!!! So much going on!
ForteFemme Women’s Dominance Intensive returns to NYC and San Francisco next year – hopefully in spring or early summer when things are safer with COVID. There’s a huge demand for it and a big waitlist, even though we haven’t even set the dates.
I’m working a heck of a lot more with therapists and counselors to help them gain cultural fluency and understanding of kink. I’m proud to help create and launch Kink Informed Certification from Sexual Health Alliance for therapists, coaches, and other helping professionals. I’m super excited about this!
My coaching work grows as the word gets out there that I help folks. This includes helping creatives and artists launch and improve their Patreon – as well as the kink and life help. Seems a lot of folks want their own Auntie Midori!
In my art career, I’ve applied to several excellent residencies. I hope I get them as I crave a focused and supportive creative space. Wish me luck with that!
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