Despite most packaging and marketing from sex toy companies being gendered for no reason, the good news is you can find toys that will function in the ways that you’re looking for regardless of the overly gendered packaging. Keep in mind that all pleasure products can be used and enjoyed by anybody (regardless of gender, genitals, or sexuality). It is worth acknowledging how discouraging, or even dysphoric it can be for trans, non-binary, and gender non-conforming people to not see products that are created with their bodies in mind.
People of all genders, genitals, sexualities, etc, will have varying interests, preferences, and desires.
For all pleasure seekers, realizing that limiting how products are “supposed” to be used makes pleasure less accessible, especially if you’re somebody who exists in a marginalized body. So whether you’re on a mission for a certain sensation, or an exploratory adventure to find something that will rev your engine, the most important thing to keep in mind is that cis and trans bodies are never a monolith. People of all genders, genitals, sexualities, etc, will have varying interests, preferences, and desires. So explore your body as you’re comfortable doing, and incorporate toys that have the sensation you’re looking for! Plus, while you’re exploring your body or your partner’s body by using products in “unconventional” ways, you’ll likely discover new and fun ways to experience and give pleasure, which is always fun.
Everybody has a butt! And those butts are full of nerve endings. I like to recommend toys that are targeted for the G/P spot by being curved. The wall between the front and back hole is thin, so something intended for a prostate will give similar stimulation to the G-spot through the backdoor as well.
Then it’s a matter of figuring out the sensation you’re looking for — maybe it’s a plug to give a feeling of fullness or warm you up for more, or even an extra special Rimming Plug to give the sensation of a tongue teasing your sphincter. Maybe it’s beads to pull out during your big O and intensify the muscle contractions, or go in and out and provide a popping sensation. Or, perhaps it’s a nice smooth dildo that can be used for penetration.
The only guideline for anal toys is to make sure you choose a toy with a base so that it doesn’t get lost in the backdoor. Make sure to use lubricant since the backdoor does not self-lubricate. Other than that, go slow and listen to your body, but have fun and explore!
Strokers can be used on all bodies and can be great for adding sensations to hand stuff or even creating a nice barrier between your genitals and your hand if dysphoria is something you’re dealing with. The Sexy Pills are a compact stroker that is available in different textures that can be used to stroke a shaft or put over a hand to rub a vulva and add texture. If you prefer even softer materials, the Tenga Eggs are similarly shaped but have more squish to them. Tenga strokers and the Sexy Pills can also be great to experiment with using as a stroker for vulva owners. These strokers tend to have a small enough opening to create suction on larger clits, like from folks on testosterone or who have used a pump. The NYTC Jack and Shotpocket are made specifically to use as a stroker for folks with bottom growth.
The Pelle Whim is a set of soft squishy silicone grinding pads that are a great soft thing to hump or a barrier between your hand and genitals or even to put in your harness to hump. Or if you like the idea of the stroker but want something firmer with vibration, check out the Starsi.
Pumps create suction, making whatever body part you’re pumping more swollen and more sensitive. Nipples, chests, and genitals can be pumped for added sensitivity or size. The cylinders are placed around whatever body part you want to pump to increase blood flow to the area, which will make it more touch-sensitive. Pumping can also temporarily make whatever you’re pumping look more full or larger.
You can even add a stimulating gel or oil, these will work on nipples, or other glans like the clit or under the head of a penis (since the tissue is anatomically similar) by drawing the blood to the surface and making everything more sensitive while you’re pumping.
I’m a firm believer that all vibrators are for all bodies but wands are worth mentioning because of their versatility and status as a queer icon.
Doesn’t matter if your sponge (G or P Spot) is in your front hole or back hole. If you’re looking to stimulate it, curved toys will be best. The one important difference is if you’re using it in a back hole you’ll want to make sure there’s a base. I always recommend trying out different things, since our sponges tend to be in slightly different placements because bodies vary from individual to individual. Some people might enjoy direct pressure, some might want a less direct approach and some folks might be able to get there from external stimulation. Try it all and figure out what works best for you.
There will be two basic types of stimulation for sponge play. Firm toys like nJoy or Le Wand stainless steel toys, or curved anal safe glass toys, will be able to provide firm pressure and weight if you enjoy a feeling of fullness. Or if you’re looking for less direct and more in and out stimulation, softer toys with a pronounced head will be better. Toys like ones from Pris toys and Strap-On-Me tend to have this shape.
Gender Affirming Dildos
Pack and plays are popular for being able to wear as a packer or as a usable dildo, like the NYTC Shilo, but the BJ Dildo is my favorite hands down. Let’s also not forget about how double-dildos can be used for solo play and can be gender-affirming. If you insert the bulb and stroke the shaft of the toy it will pull on the G-spot to stimulate it and can give you a more immersive masturbation experience by giving you a stroking motion.
Or just getting a representational dildo to use with a partner can be an incredible experience. I tend to recommend that the wearer picks the color that feels best for them and the receiver gets to pick the size since it’s their hole to penetrate.
I’m a firm believer that all vibrators are for all bodies but wands are worth mentioning because of their versatility and status as a queer icon. The Magic Wand is an icon for a reason. Wands can be used on all bodies because their wide head can work great for any genitals looking for strong vibration.
The We-Vibe Wand is my favorite because it comes with two attachments that can be used as a stroker for a shaft, or a fluttery sleeve that is perfect for teasing. But any Wand-style toy is worth investing in because it’s just a versatile toy. They can be used externally anywhere you want, and there are a bunch of attachment options making it possible to insert it or try different sensations.
Toys that create suction typically work by surrounding the clit with air pulsation, but We-Vibe came out with a version for penis owners to experience the sensation. These toys are intended to mimic the feeling of a mouth actually creating suction. These toys can be great for folks that don’t enjoy vibration or are just looking for a different sensation than other toys can provide.
Toys ideal for after vaginoplasty
Of course, no two bodies are the same and your experience will vary but these toys have been popular for folks after getting vaginoplasty. Dilators are an important part of healing post-surgery and silicone dilator sets tend to be pretty comfortable because they’re flexible.
Thinking of toys with prongs like the Le Wand Deux which can be used to stimulate the clit in a stroking motion which can help figure out what kind of stimulation you like post-bottom surgery.
Reading can help you figure out your gender identity, and explore tough topics. You can learn more about vulvas, penises, or butts! Maybe you’re curious about exploring topping or bottoming or more about rope or BDSM in general. Books are a great place to do research and start diving into learning about safety and the fun that’s available to you. They can even be a catalyst to healing or exploring open relationships.
Figure out what sensations you want to explore then go find your pleasure!
Lube is the easiest way to upgrade any of the toys you’re using or the sex you’re participating in solo or partnered. Lubricant, especially moisturizing formulas like Southern Butter, Dame Alu, Intimate Earth Hydra, or Sliquid Satin is great for folks on hormones or post vaginoplasty.
Lubricant just makes everything slip and slide more pleasantly. Lube will help strokers glide across the skin, plugs slide comfortably into butts, and lubricate tender tissue so the playtime doesn’t have to stop because of friction. For a natural feeling formula idea for toys, barriers, and body-to-body contact Intamo Smooth Operator has been my go-to because it’s completely tasteless.
Talking about toys in terms of their functions and sensations will leave room for people to explore, use their imaginations, and follow their desires. Make space for all bodies to experience pleasure. Sex toys shouldn’t perpetuate a sex toy gender binary so that all people know that their pleasure is equally as important as everyone else. Figure out what sensations you want to explore then go find your pleasure!