Have you ever seen a porn performer have a particularly theatrical, voluminous, wet gushing mess of an orgasm and wondered what it might feel like to blow like a volcano and flow like lava? Read on, friend.
Sponge play is also one of the best ways to make the most of your ejaculation, whether you’re a hopeful first time squirter or just beginning to play in your prostate.
The wonderful thing about sponge play is that anyone can do it, and practicing on yourself stands to make you a universally better lover. What more incentive could you possibly need? Oh, and about those orgasms… Sponge play is also one of the best ways to make the most of your ejaculation, whether you’re a hopeful first time squirter or just beginning to play in your prostate. Stay with me while we sink our teeth into these parts a little.
What we typically call the g-spot, I like to call the urethral sponge because I think it paints a clearer picture: the u-sponge is a tube of spongy tissue that surrounds the urethra like insulation in a person with a vulva. During arousal, that sponge fills up with blood and fluid, creating a protective cushion for the delicate urethra, in anticipation of the poking and prodding of penetration in the nearby vaginal canal. Within that spongey insulation, close to the opening of the urethra, lives the Skene’s gland, which produces ejaculate that’s similar in composition to that of the prostate.
Speaking of the prostate, much in the same way you’re likely to feel the u-sponge as it fills up just a couple inches inside the vagina in an upward direction (toward the belly button), you’ll find the prostate, with a similar walnut-shell texture, in that same location inside the asshole of a person with a cock. Same location, same texture, same fluid…what else do these sponges have in common? They also respond to similar styles of stimulation, so practicing on yourself is a great way to prepare for pleasing a partner, regardless of whether they have the same anatomy as you. The key to satisfying sponge play is thoughtful exploration, patience, and a little bit of rhythm. Let’s talk tips.
The trick here is not to cut corners—pack a lunch and prepare to spend some time self-seducing into a state of both deep relaxation and high arousal.
While poking and prodding a sponge that’s still at rest, before your body was turned on, might not feel like much or might even feel annoying, pushing, pulling, rubbing, and tugging on a full, squishy, wet sponge might just rock your world. The trick here is not to cut corners—pack a lunch and prepare to spend some time self-seducing into a state of both deep relaxation and high arousal. Shooting streams that would put Spiderman or Storm to shame has as much to do with everything you did before you started busting your nut as it does during the big O itself. On that note, a New York Style Solo O (you know the type, when you’re late for work but desperate to cum, and you’re clenching your teeth and holding your breath and squeeeeezing as hard as you can to help your body hurry along) is not going to give you what you need. Instead, you want one of those inevitable orgasms, one that rolls over your body seemingly all on its own, and those come from playing around in your erotic plateau.
That plateau is one part of your arousal cycle, which, if you’ve never considered it before, goes more or less like this: your body initially is in a resting state with regard to arousal. You’re at work, you’re in traffic, it’s not super sexy, but then, something sparks your interest. When your interest is piqued, your body responds. You may suddenly feel that familiar sensation in your gut, that twinge in your hips that says,
Oooh, I could have an orgasm today. Yes, I see it out there, floating in space, an orgasm that I could get to, if I follow this feeling.
Your pulse may quicken, more blood will flow to your genitals, and your sponges will begin to swell with fluid. Once you’ve experienced some erotic inspiration and you’re feeling turned on, if you decide to do something about it, you might make your way to the plateau phase. This is when you’ve slipped away somewhere to rub one out, and all of a sudden that orgasm floating out there in the ether feels very attainable. It’s there, even, already building, and if you just don’t stop what you’re doing, you’ll get it. This phase is where the action really happens, and the longer you can linger in it, the better. Imagine the elongation of your arousal as a faucet, pouring more and more fluid into your eagerly swelling sponge. It may start to feel hot and full, as if you have to pee—lean in to this feeling. Let it happen. Both prostates and u-sponges are quite close to the bladder, and fullness can create a familiar pressure. (Pro tip—if you’re nervous about peeing, empty your bladder/empty your mind before you begin your play so you don’t have to worry.) Press on. The contractions of your PC muscles, which surround your sponge, before and during orgasm, along with vigorous, direct, massage, and oftentimes, aided by counter pressure on the pubic bone, can create the warm and wonderfully refreshing feeling of wringing you the fuck out.
If your typical masturbation routine drives you over the edge too quickly or isn’t keeping you in that sweet spot, layering different sensations and engaging extra erogenous zones can help to kick it up while also buying you time. Try starting your warm up while soaking in a warm bath, introducing your nipples to your vibrator, wearing clamps, or experimenting with suction. Give your glans (cock, clit, whatever you’ve got going on on the outside) plenty of love and attention. Tease the heck out of the opening to your hole.
When your hole has gotten so incredibly hungry that you can’t possibly ignore it any longer, then and only then is it time for penetration. A single finger, slipped inside by pressing gently with the pad, NOT stuck inside by its pointy tip, is perfect for making some initial swirling strokes. Without curling the finger into too hard of an angle right away, let it loosely jiggle in small circles inside, until you can feel the swelling sponge protrude a bit against the finger pad.
As the sponge swells, experiment with fast and slow strokes, with curling a finger or two and rocking back and forth, with hooked fingers pulling, with circles, small and wide, slow and quick, stimulating the sponge’s surface with varying degrees of pressure. Get excited, but go slow. Give your body the chance to fully experience each different style of stroke, and settle into a rhythm with it, seeing what builds, before moving on to another technique. If your fingers are challenged by these asks, consider some of the ideal sponge-loving toys.
Far and away, the best of the best is the iconic nJoy Pure Wand, whose ingenuity is self-evident when we consider its design beside the sponge. The Pure Wand is heavy, made of stainless steel, which is perfect for applying firm pressure. Additionally, the steel is nearly frictionless, and plays well with long-lasting silicone lube, meaning you can stroke and squish your insides for hours without causing irritation. The significant curve makes reaching your sponge easy, while the bulbous ends scoop and pull, milking it on the way out. Delicious.
As you try out all of the above, remember to center the spirit of adventure over laser-focus on a singular goal.
If you have a vulva, you can access your sponge vaginally or anally with fingers, whole hands, and other objects, but typically, prostates are only accessed in the ass, so here are some special considerations for putting stuff in your butt:
- While lube is always recommended, it is absolutely essential for any action in the back door. Assholes are not self lubricating, so get something good, like Sutil Rich Body Glide (water based) or Pjur Original (silicone). Just be sure never to put silicone lube on silicone toys, if you have them.
- Your asshole has two sphincters in it, one which is voluntary and one which is not. There’s no fooling your involuntary sphincter —if your body is not relaxed, it will close up real tight and trying to get in there will be painful. Anal sex should not be painful. Not if you’re taking a finger, a dick, or a foot. You just can’t fake or force being relaxed.
- Sometimes, shit happens. If you have regular, complete bowel movement, congratulations, you can probably play around in your ass without coming into contact with much of anything. But if you’d feel better being sure, you can use tepid tap water to give yourself an enema. Allow for some time (a half hour or so should be good) for all of the water to work its way out of you and for the mucous lining inside your rectum to regenerate after being washed away, and have at it. Just don’t do enemas everyday—this can interfere with your body’s own rhythm.
- Remember—without a base, without a trace. Any toys you put in your butt should have an anchor, a flare, or a marked stopping point to keep them earthside. The same way that sphincter can close up on you, it can also open, swallowing up any unsuspecting visitors to your internal red carpet.
As you try out all of the above, remember to center the spirit of adventure over laser-focus on a singular goal. Sex should be enjoyable! Preoccupation with results begets tension, and tension is no friend to rolling, tidal-wave, take-me-over orgasms. Regardless of the outcome, every experience is an opportunity to gather data about what your body does and likes with different stuff going on, data you can use to help chart the course of your next expedition. The more you tune in and pay attention to the role each variable plays in your experience, the more you will master the output of your time and the easier it will become to troubleshoot any challenges. Temperatures may be rising, but if you’re willing to do a deep dive in your soft slits, social distancing can still be wet and wild.
