These days we are all trying to stay safe and healthy, but social distancing doesn’t have to mean social disconnect. Your favorite advice column is back to keep you company!
As always, we are committed to sharing our journey as we awaken our purpose as pleasure activists based in real life learning and yearnings from our interpersonal relationships, in hopes to enrich the lives of our cummunity. We are continuously exploring ways to understand ourselves, others, and reimagine the world through collaboration and honest sharing. This advice column leverages the insight of the sex KiKi collective.
This month we are diving into past lives, masturbation and more!
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Q. Dear sex KiKi, how do past lives affect libido in this lifetime?
(Editor’s note): Everyone once in a while, we will invite some of our friends to get in on the fun! This month we got some insights from Makhosi Thando, a queer femme from the AmaXhosa Tribe.
Known as an “amaGqirha” culturally, which loosely translates to “the custodians of medicine,” Thando, a Sangoma, supports her community in various spiritual ways. Western definitions of African systems can be problematic as there’s so much that is lost in translation, so keep this in mind. In addition to being an African indigenous doctor, Thando also has a Masters of Science (MSc) in Pharmacology, and is currently pursuing a PhD in Public Health in South Africa, where she’s investigating indigenous African medical strategies that are used to manage and treat mental health related issues.
Thando (Guest Expert): My stance on libido has been informed by my own life experiences, I don’t claim to speak on behalf of all African women/healers. We all have had different experiences in life and sex, and also as Africans, we come from various cultural backgrounds.
I think that some of this genetic information encoded certain elements of our lives that need to be reconciled and shifted through karmic work.
Personally, I strongly believe that in order for us to deeply understand the factors that affect a person’s libido, we also need to have an understanding of one’s past life experiences with sex and how those can be carried into the current life. As human beings, we exist as both physical beings as well as spiritual entities. The spiritual element of a human being has the ability to embody and reincarnate through various lifetimes. Different cultures refer to this life process in various terms, but I think the most widely used is reincarnation . Following this line of thought, we can deduce that if we in a previous lifetime carried negative perceptions about sexuality, then by the laws of reincarnation we carry that trauma in our genetic code until by karmic experience we can reconcile it.
The human genome is vast and there are so many genes in our genome whose function we don’t yet understand. Geneticists agree that some of what we call “junk” DNA is actually genetic information that we do not yet know how to decipher. In my opinion, I think that some of this genetic information encoded certain elements of our lives that need to be reconciled and shifted through karmic work. This information keeps coming back so that the individual can learn how to master life’s lessons in their totality. It’s not that far fetched of a theory, considering that human epigenetics can be affected by many various factors, including cultural background, diet, lifestyle and environmental factors.
they also have to dig deep and figure out what past traumas they have carried into this current life, which might even be embedded into their DNA.
Anyways, in my personal opinion, when someone is doing healing work around issues of libido, they also have to dig deep and figure out what past traumas they have carried into this current life, which might even be embedded into their DNA. By doing deep psycho-spiritual work on myself, I was able to retrieve information about my past life. I have discovered that I was a Hindu Brahmin high priestess in my previous lifetime, so as I reincarnated into this current life, I took a vow of celibacy and poverty to compensate for my social and political privilege that came with being a Brahmin woman. The privilege lies in the fact that a lot of sexual knowledge in that lifetime was written by Brahmin priests and priestesses, hence then I was in a position of power and influence through my sexuality or understanding of.
Now in this current body, I struggle with untangling a lot of my past vows around intimacy and sexual power. It is healing work that I constantly have to do with myself and I wouldn’t have been able to do that if I had not first done the psycho-spiritual element of it. So, what I’m trying to say is that there’s also a large spiritual component to how human beings experience sexual pleasure. Western culture doesn’t recognize or even understand that. Hence then my criticism of the Eurocentric explanations of libido that focus solely on physical factors and ignores the spiritual element of human sexuality.
Q. I’m young, and fresh out of a relationship that lasted a couple of years. How do I find myself, and become independent?
Nicole (Impact & Outreach): You’re actually doing the first step by asking this question out loud. You’re acknowledging that there are areas in your life where you would like to grow and find yourself. I would start by making a list (cue laughs for the Earth sign suggesting a list) of the things that I would like to know about myself. You don’t have to have a strict adherence to a list but it can serve as a guide along your journey of self-discovery. Participating in activities by yourself including going to the movies, a restaurant, or sex (yay masturbation!) can center you and your needs/wants/desires out of those experiences and more. Centering yourself and your wants and needs is a powerful tool in finding yourself and growing because you are taking time within your life to operate independently.
Q. What’s the most interesting/unusual thing you’ve discovered or done during masturbation?
in my pizza masturbation moment, I was able to take care of myself both sexually and satiably.
Courtney (Executive Video Producer): Pants off, on the couch, sitting in front of the TV. A slice of cold pizza in one hand, and vibrator in the other. It was glorious. ? Why is this interesting? Well, I freaking love pizza and I love loving on myself. I discovered two forms of ultimate pleasure combined! I’m a Taurus mercury, so the comfort of a nice meal is another fluent language I speak. Sensual pleasure is what I need in order to feel immersed in sex from sight to touch, to smell, to sound, to taste. Using my hands allows me to relax my mind. And in doing so, in my pizza masturbation moment, I was able to take care of myself both sexually and satiably. I hadn’t used food play too extensively, but now it’s got me wanting to ask partners to feed me pizza.
Till next time!