Strap-on sex sits perfectly at the intersection of the kind of sex that lights up my pleasure synapses and sex that offers moments of gender affirmation and gender euphoria. As someone who enjoys being on either end of the strap-on experience, the idea of finding a double-ended dildo that works for me and my partners quite literally sparks joy.
That said, the journey to finding a double-ended dildo that actually works for me has been a little bit of a rollercoaster. In this process, I’ve learned to temper my expectations a bit and also remind myself and others that absolute statements about double dildos (or sex toys and pleasure as a whole) should be taken with a grain of salt.
Promises of a “strapless strap-on” have often left me with sore pelvic muscles and disillusion. The expectation of simultaneous orgasm almost always also adds so much pressure that it becomes distracting. And of course, finding a one-size-fits-all toy is impossible because body diversity, different desires, and changing sexual needs mean that what works for one person won’t necessarily work for another.
That said, I have rounded up some of my experiences with double-ended strap-on dildos and taken lots of notes that may be helpful to you on your journey to find the right one.
Strap-On-Me Semi-Realistic Bendable Double-Ended Strap-On
Brought to us by Lovely Planet, the Strap-On-Me Double-Ended vibrating dildo features one shorter more bulbous egg-shaped end and a longer shaft with a defined head on the other end. The ends are connected by a thin bendable neck and the base of the longer shaft is concave to offer extra external stimulation for the person wearing the shorter end. It features three vibrating motors; one in the egg, one in the middle, and one at the head of the longer shaft. Each offers 3 intensities and 3 vibrating modes and they can be controlled independently with a wireless remote.
This toy is made from matte, silky silicone. Both ends of the dildo are very firm, but the longer shaft does have some give in the middle, so it bends a bit which can help get a good angle, and help it stay in the body better during thrusting or as you change positions.
The bendable neck did something that I had written off as fantasy - it actually held the dildo in place so snugly that I was able to use it successfully without a harness in most positions.
The bendable neck which connects either end of the dildo makes it significantly more adjustable than any other double-ended dildo I’ve tried. This means it’s not only more likely to fit my body, but if I switch with a partner it’s also more likely to fit them.
In use, a lot of the features of this dildo turned out to really set it apart as my personal favorite double-ended dildo at the moment. Because the neck is bendable, it was really easy to insert it and secure it at an angle that worked for me. The bendable neck did something that I had written off as fantasy – it actually held the dildo in place so snugly that I was able to use it successfully without a harness in most positions, but at the same time it did not feel too tight. In contrast, however, when my partner wore the dildo, it had to be worn in a harness because it did not stay in place as well. As I said, no dildo is one-size-fits-all so I highly recommend having your harness handy in case you prefer the added support.
The snugness of this dildo coupled with some vibration added to my sense of connectedness to the dildo feedback I hadn’t really experienced with other double dildos and this not only gave me more control while thrusting, but it also gave me so much gender euphoria! The vibration is pretty rumbly, and the difference in intensities is noticeable. I particularly love the design of the remote. Having a wireless remote made this so much easier to use than having to fumble for the button, especially while the dildo was being used in a harness and the power button was not visible. The illustrations and indicator lights on the remote make it easy to know which motor is on. Having motors that are controlled independently worked really well for me and my partner since one of us enjoys vibration and the other doesn’t. Although the vibration from one end carries to the other a little bit, it’s pretty diffuse on the end that is not turned on.
Overall, I would rate the Strap-On-Me Double-Ended dildo the best all-around double-ended dildo. I would also consider it the most bang for your buck. Though there are less expensive silicone double-ended dildos, this one offers the most versatility and features without compromising quality or body safety. There are 5 different versions of this dildo: the non-vibrating version is available in medium and large sizes, while the vibrating version is available in medium, large, and xl!
The Fun Factory Share is a gorgeous double-ended dildo made of solid yet somewhat flexible silicone. On one end it features a bean-shaped bulb that’s excellent for g-spot stimulation, and the other end features a sleek shaft with a gently pronounced head and a slight upward curve. The ends are connected by a thin neck and the base of the shaft is concave so when it pushes against the body of the person wearing the bulb, it creates a subtle cupping sensation.
Wearing the Share with a harness ... allows me to focus on how great the anatomy-minded design of the bulb and base of the shaft feel while thrusting.
Though the Share is intended as a “strapless strap-on” I would highly recommend wearing this dildo with a harness for a few reasons. First, it is heavy. Even if you have very strong PC muscles, gravity, lubrication, and the weight of the shaft will pull the dildo forward and it is very likely to slide out in any positions where it isn’t being supported by hands, thighs, or surfaces. In my experiences trying to keep the Share in with sheer will and my pelvic muscles, I have found it distracting and a little exhausting. Wearing the Share with a harness alleviates these concerns for me and allows me to focus on how great the anatomy-minded design of the bulb and base of the shaft feel while thrusting.
In use, the Share is excellent for g-sot or p-spot stimulation. I especially like the curve on the bulb, it helps the dildo position comfortably behind the pubic bone. Something to know about the shape of the bulb however is that it does not have a thin or tapered tip. It may take a little warm-up and some extra lube to be able to slide it in comfortably.
Besides working great as a double-ended dildo, there are a couple of other ways I personally love using Share. It works great for solo play. Inserting the bulb while stroking the shaft creates a great visual of giving yourself a handjob, and while you stroke, the bulb pushes right up against the g-spot/urethral sponge. Using the bulb as an ergonomic handle and inserting the shaft also works well for solo play by adding a little extra reach. The bulb-as-a-handle method can also be great for partner play in moments where you don’t necessarily want to wear the bulb, or simply prefer using it manually.
To call the Share a basic or no-frills dildo would do a disservice to its versatility, sleek appearance, and intentional design. However, it doesn’t feature some of the bells and whistles the Strap-On-Me vibrating dildo offers. The Share does not vibrate and it doesn’t have a poseable neck.
On my list, the Fun Factory Share comes out on top when it comes to non-vibrating double dildos.
When I first heard about the Fun Factory Sharevibe, I had already been a faithful user of the Fun Factory Share so I was thrilled to check it out. The promise of a double-dildo that featured all of the great qualities I love in the Share with the added bonus of vibration was very alluring to me. However, upon seeing the Sharevibe I noticed several significant differences.
The design of the Sharevibe is based on the same general concept as the Share. It has one smaller bean-like end and a longer shaft. In my opinion, this is where the similarities in design end. For one, the bulb on the Sharevibe is a little narrower than the bulb on the Share, so it might be a little easier to insert for some folks. The base of the shaft is convex, so it adds a little texture for the person wearing the bulb. The shaft is perfectly smooth and is considerably slimmer than the shaft on the Share. Most notably though, two things stand out. One is that, as the name implies, the Sharevibe has an opening in the middle that houses a small rechargeable vibrating bullet. The other is that when someone is wearing the bulb, the longer shaft points straight up. When I put it on, the shaft points directly towards and into the bottom of my belly.
The smoothness of the shaft makes this dildo excellent for anal play, and I would definitely recommend it for folks who are interested in trying pegging.
Some of the pros of using the Share include that it did stay in much more easily without a harness than the Share because it is lighter and also because the very vertical design of the shaft holds it a little more snug against the body. I do however still recommend using it with a harness for additional support. Also, it vibrates and if I turned on the vibration to a setting I like before inserting it, the vibration in the bullet is really powerful and could be felt on both ends of the toy. The smoothness of the shaft makes this dildo excellent for anal play, and I would definitely recommend it for folks who are interested in trying pegging.
However, the unique design of the Sharevibe presented some unique challenges in use. Because the shaft is pointing straight up, it takes some maneuvering to insert the shaft in different positions. Its tendency to snap back into a vertical position also meant that it came out more in use. Finding the button on the bullet to change the intensity in use was also a bit awkward.
The Sharevibe tops the list for anal-friendly design.
When I think of the Blush Temptasia Luna, a couple of things come to mind. One is that like with most Blush toys, it reminds me that we no longer have to spend an arm and a leg to get a silicone toy that will be body-friendly and easy to clean. I remember the days when spending $60 on a double-ended dildo would get you something made from vinyl or jelly rubber and if it vibrated, the accompanying bullet would be a single-speed bullet that ran on watch batteries for a max of 30 minutes. The Luna is made of 100% silicone and includes the Blush Nocturnal Bullet, a powerhouse rechargeable bullet with many functions. A great, multi-purpose investment without breaking the bank.
The Luna is made of 100% silicone and includes the Blush Nocturnal Bullet ... A great, multi-purpose investment without breaking the bank.
I would primarily recommend the Temptasia Luna for first-time double-ended dildo users. The dildo itself is pretty basic and straightforward. It features a small bulb on one end and a longer shaft with a ridged head on the other. It has an opening in the middle where the bullet is inserted and a few ridges at the base for external stimulation to the person wearing the bulb.
The silicone this dildo is made out of is extremely firm. It does not have a lot of give and therefore does not conform to the body while in use. This can be great for people who like pointed g-spot or p-spot stimulation, but it might not be a great choice for people who prefer something soft or more flexible. The bulb is petite. I was not able to keep it in without using a harness because the small bulb was really hard to hold without clenching my PC muscles really tight. Also, though it includes this very powerful and versatile bullet, the buttons are really hard to operate when the dildo is in use.
Though the Blush Temptasia Luna isn’t as strapless as it claims to be, it tops my list for the most affordable double dildo for beginners!
The Vixen Nexus (both Sr. and Jr.) is designed very differently from all of the other double-ended dildos on this list. It features two long shafts at different angles that are connected base-to-base in the middle. Unlike other double-dildos that have a small bulb on one end, the Nexus dils are designed for folks who want deeper penetration on both ends. Because the shafts on both ends of the Nexus are more straight, long, and flexible, harness use is essential for stabilizing this dildo. Unlike the double-ended dildos that have a bulb on one end, the experience of using a Nexus feels a lot less like one person “wearing” the dildo and thrusting while the other person is receiving, and it feels a lot more like mutual grinding and thrusting.
In use, it conforms to each person’s body and it has a nice amount of give, so when you squeeze, you get a pleasant almost fleshy feel.
Some of the perks of the Nexus are that it is very soft and flexible. In use, it conforms to each person’s body and it has a nice amount of give, so when you squeeze, you get a pleasant almost fleshy feel. Vixen uses premium silicone for all of their products and the colors of the Nexus dildos show subtle marbling and a beautiful sheen. This design is an upgrade from the traditional “double dildo” which is one long and straight flexible/floppy dildo. The flat bases not only make this dildo harness-compatible, but they also add a little bit of a soft bumper for both partners to grind on.
I love the idea of the Nexus and I have a soft spot in my heart for it as my first ever silicone double-dildo, but I still find it very difficult to maneuver in use. Though I use it in a harness for stability, I still find it a bit unwieldy. The length of the shaft even on the shorter one feels a little too deep for me to wear on the inside of my harness. Because it’s held in a harness, even while thrusting this long shaft is always fully inserted, which doesn’t feel comfortable for me in some positions and can be very distracting when multitasking and thrusting. Though I think this dildo would be great for partners who both want deep penetration and grinding, I personally don’t get the same sensation of feeling connected to the dildo as an extension of my body that I can achieve with the Share or the Strap-On-Me Double-Ended dildo.
I would recommend the Vixen Nexus Jr. and Nexus Sr. for couples who both want deep penetration or prefer grinding over thrusting.
Though I am crushed out on my Strap-On-Me Double-Ended dildo, there are many factors to consider when choosing a dildo and there is no one double-dildo that’s guaranteed to work for everyone. When choosing a double-dildo, ask yourself and your partner some questions about size, function, aesthetics, and possible uses. And just as importantly, think about which characteristics of a double-dildo spark pleasure, connection, and joy for you. And remember to keep a harness and plenty of lube nearby to support you on your adventures!
