Getting your first strap-on harness can already be a nerve-wracking experience, and then if you throw in some other marginalized identities or a body that doesn’t fit into eurocentric beauty standards and it can become a literal nightmare. But as a fat queer person, I promise you that harnesses made for our bodacious bodies exist and can even be aesthetically pleasing and comfortable! Sometimes it can take some experimentation to figure out the best way to enjoy different activities in a way that feels comfortable and pleasurable to you but the end results are usually worth it.
I promise you that harnesses made for our bodacious bodies exist and can even be aesthetically pleasing and comfortable!
There are a few things to take into consideration when you’re getting your first strap-on harness. One major thing to look for when looking for harnesses for ample bodies is just thicker straps, so they don’t cut into soft supple flesh. Then you can think about the following:
- The first thing to consider is what’s your budget? You don’t want to fall in love with the most expensive one when you’re just not able to afford it. That’s always a major bummer!
- Take inventory if you’re allergic to any materials (i.e. nickel, latex), so you can avoid them when you’re shopping.
- How much access do you want to your genitals? Some harnesses will be full coverage, whereas others will give you more access to the fun bits.
- How long do you intend to wear your strap-on harness? Underwear style harnesses can be great if you plan on wearing them under clothing to play parties, or just out and about so you’re ready for anything.
- Will you be sharing it with other people? Meaning, will you have to worry about body fluids getting onto the harness, and do you need it to be adjustable to different waist sizes?
There are a few options with thicker, comfortable straps under and around $50 that you’ll also be able to switch the O ring so you’ll be able to harness dildos of all different sizes and girths. The Sportsheets Red Lace Corsette Strap-On Harness not only has thicker, more comfortable straps but the thicker back corset piece in the back will help stabilize toys, even heavier longer toys. Which tend to be easier to use for plus-size bodies anyway. Longer toys give you more reach even when ample stomachs, butts, etc, will take away length from a toy. Remember it’s better to have more length and not need it, rather than need it and not have it. Then there is also the Sportsheets Lace Corsette or Plush harness, all of these plus-size harnesses fit hips up to 72” which is roughly up to about a size 30, and can incorporate a bullet so the wearer can have vibration as well.
Longer toys give you more reach even when ample stomachs, butts, etc, will take away length from a toy.
Versatility is Key
The Joque is a cult classic at this point. I would say this is my go-to harness because of its ease of use, sturdiness, and how secure the O-ring is without ever having to switch anything out. The O-ring is my favorite part of this harness because it’s flexible and accommodating to most toys. The magic of it is that it stretches but won’t lose its shape. I’ve had my Joque for almost a decade and none of the elastic parts are stretched anywhere. This versatile harness is easy to adjust so it’s easy to share with folks who aren’t the same waist size. It’s also easy to clean if you are sharing it with other people; you can hand wash it or machine wash it on the delicate cycle. And because the Joque is so water-safe, you better believe you can wear it in the water! The options for this harness are truly endless. The beach, the shower, the hot tub, anywhere your imagination can think of!
All Day Wear
When you want to wear something underneath your clothes the most obvious choice is going to be underwear, so an underwear harness is a clear winner. My current fave is the Sportsheets underwear harnesses that come in a few different styles. These include the Contour, Fit, and Silhouette Crotchless designs which are all different aesthetics, so you can choose the one that fits your personal style best. The material is sturdy and secure without feeling like compression underwear. It is also moisture-wicking so it’s perfect for those extra sweaty sessions or even wearing this harness in the shower, tub, or hot tub since it’ll dry quickly. All of these harnesses also include 2 bullet pockets, one above the dildo and one below so you get more stimulation or just options on where you add it.
When you’re having strap-on sex sometimes as the top you want stimulation too! That stimulation can mean wanting or needing access to your genitals.
Most Accessible To Your Bits
When you’re having strap-on sex sometimes as the top you want stimulation too! That stimulation can mean wanting or needing access to your genitals. So a harness that’s strappy and open is the way to go, but you’ll want something that’s still sturdy. The Adjustable Bicycle Tube Strap on Harness’s smaller size adjusts up to 62” and the larger size adjusts up to 82” and has an open design with thicker recycled bicycle tubes. Don’t worry, the tubes are washed (twice!) before they’re sewn into this harness. And the updated version has interchangeable O rings so you’ll be able to harness dildos of different sizes and girths. Sustainably sourced and size-inclusive, what more could you want? If you’re looking for leather the Talisman Gallo harness or the Aslan Commando Harness have nice thick straps and an open strappy design so you can maximize your skin-to-skin contact with your partner. Both have interchangeable O rings so any dildo can work with either harness, so your options are endless. These are also ideal to lend support to double dildos without adding a lot if you wanted to add support without adding a full coverage harness.
Comfortable for Penis Owners
The Deuce is specifically made with penis owners in mind so it’s comfortable for them and won’t squish their anatomy when they put this harness on. The Deuce is also versatile in use because they can either keep their junk in the harness and attach a dildo to it or pull their own factory-installed equipment out through one of the holes and attach a dildo to the other hole and use it for double penetration, or even attach two dildos for double penetration. The options abound with this particular harness. The Deuce has all the great specs of the Joque as well, with the stretchy but secure O ring, waterproof design, adjustability, and ease of use.
Strap-On To Other Body Parts
You can strap a dildo to pretty much any body part you want, it doesn’t have to be your hips. And you can want to do that for any number of reasons. It might be an accessibility reason or a kinky reason, but either way, there are options for you. Strapping a dildo to your face might be the most obvious one, for fun and accessibility reasons. Sportsheets has the classic face strap-on harness which is incredibly soft and stretchy to accommodate most heads. If you wanted to harness a dildo to your thigh for your partner to grind on it there’s the Sportsheets thigh harness with a single hole or a dual-hole.
Don’t let anything stop you from living out your fantasies.
Go Forth and Strap It On!
Now that you have a lot to think about you can figure out what kind of harness you want to start with, or what harness you want to add to your collection. Don’t let anything stop you from living out your fantasies. Use positioning aids, access your core strength, take breaks when you need to, and have fun!