I’ve always wanted a fucking machine. No really, I’ve always wanted a fucking machine.
Ever since the tender age of 19, I’ve always looked at fucking machines and thought, “God damn, I want one of those.” I’d watch all sorts of porn that centered around them, and I’d wistfully lookup machines online, browsing through the different kinds, wondering if it was crazy to take a loan out for one.
However, in the end, the worry of storage, sound, and price would deter me away ever doing more than looking at them. Like, where the hell do you store a huge fucking machine when you don’t live on your own? Furthermore, how do you hide the sound of one? So many issues came to mind and I had no answer to any of them.
Now, at the age of 25, I have a compact fucking machine of my own and all those worries I had aren’t even worries with this toy.
First Impressions of Teddy
Getting sent the Velvet Thruster Mini (also lovingly known as Teddy), was like waiting to open a Christmas gift that you knew was something you’d been begging for. Every day I would check the mail hoping, no, praying that the package containing my toy would be in the mail.
Hell, I remember a few times eyeballing the mailman dropping off the mail and running to the mailbox when he left. (I’m sure people started to question my sanity when I’d wait for the mailman at the mailbox.) Luckily I technically only waited two or three days for it, thank god for express shipping, am I right?
When I first opened it, I thought, “There’s no way this is a fucking machine. Even a compact fucking machine.” It’s small with only three buttons. It looks like it can’t do much, but I plugged it in to charge and waited the allotted time before turning it on.
And boy, was I wrong. This toy has taught me never to judge a book by its cover. Ever.
This compact fucking machine has 6 speeds (125 strokes per minute — WOW), 5” of insertable length, along with 2.5” thrust range. It’s also splash-proof. The only way for water to seep into this toy is if the charging port wasn’t sealed off with the silicone charging cap. However, splash-proof isn’t to be mistaken for waterproof or submersible (please y’all don’t submerge it), but if you squirt as I did, then the toy will be A-Okay.
The entire toy is covered in silicone, which means it’s body safe and easy to clean. It’s anal friendly too! Just remember to pair it with a water-based lube since silicone-based lube could break down the silicone sleeve of the toy. It also has a suction cup base so you can take it for a fucking machine ride.
Using this thruster for the first time was like achieving nirvana or something. It’s like having your eyes opened after they’ve been closed. It’s like tasting chocolate for the first time. You get the picture.It’s not whisper quiet, but dammit neither was I when I got it in me. The sound is very faint when you compare it to other thrusters or other compact machines. It eliminated my worries of, “The whole house will hear this.” And if you’re still truly worried about any sound, you can use a fan to mask the sound of the small motor. I mean, it has a motor. Expecting it to not make any noise at all is wishful thinking.
Teddy In Use
With its suction cup base I decided I wanted to stick it to the wall and get on my hands and knees, however, I struggled to make it stick (and trust me I tried).
I suppose my wall isn’t smooth enough for the silicone to grip and stick properly, but it did stick to other smoother surfaces with no problem. If you have hardwood floors or any smooth flooring you’ll have no problem with it getting it to stay in place, but if you want to mount this to the wall? It’s going to be hard to make it happen and get it in you without it moving.
What I ended up doing was positioning it on the floor, and straddling the toy so I could let the machine do all the work. I quickly found four to be my favorite speed, though starting off at two, is ideal for those who want to get used to the feeling of the toy. And you can imagine that 6 is great when you want a proper fucking.
The stroke on this toy is awesome and it hits my g-spot perfectly with its pronounced head. The smoothness of the silicone doesn’t take away from the small veiny features in the shaft either; the hardness of the toy beneath it made sure of that.
One thing I really like about this toy is that even when the toy is inserted it’s pushing against your walls, the motor makes sure the thrust isn’t slowed down too much. You’d think with a compact machine, the thrust would be dampened when you sat down or pushed back a bit against it, but it’s not. It completely powers through and delivers on its title of being a fucking machine.
Also with this toy, you can use it while it’s charging! (Hello, the fun never really ends.) I’ve used this toy more than a dozen times since getting it. I’ve even used it for phone sex sessions, and recording saucy videos to send. The toy has completely changed the game when it comes to my masturbation life.
PLUS as if this toy couldn’t get any better, it does! It’s completely harness compatible! That means if you want to use it with a partner and strap it onto you (or strap it onto them), you can. The suction cup base might not be good for sticking onto walls, but dammit it makes up for it by making it a toy that’s completely versatile in the way it’s used. You cannot get better than that!
Final Thoughts
Versatility is something that I think is hard to find in certain sex toys, and I never thought my compact machine would be as versatile as it is.
I’ve proudly shown my teddy off to friends, and countless times got on the phone with my partner and marveled at how different each experience with the Teddy is. How every time it was a different fuck.
Y’all should have heard me the first time it made me squirt. See, I’m not someone that squirts easily. It takes a lot of work, a lot of time, and a lot of patience to get that job done, but with the Teddy’s 2-hour battery life, and the fact it’s a machine… I had nothing but time, so to speak. It took a short time to make it happen though, and that in itself really can attest to how great this toy is.
The Teddy comes in three awesome colors — Black, Blue, and Purple — and while most thrusting fucking machines can cost upwards of $200, the Velvet Thruster Teddy is only $135. This is a steal, guys.
If I didn’t have this toy in my collection, I sure as hell would bust my ass to be able to purchase it. If it broke, I’d definitely have to purchase it so I can have it again. This toy is worth every dime spent, and it will pay for itself tenfold after your mind-blowing orgasms (because it’s sure to give you more than one).
If I could speak to the makers of The Velvet Thruster Teddy, I would tell them that they did an outstanding job. I would also beg for it in other colors because you can never have too much variety.
