I love wands. This is no secret. I’m a wand connoisseur if I do say so myself. My wand collection is constantly expanding and I’m always down to use one. I don’t care if it’s partnered play or solo play, bring a damn wand and I’m as happy as can be.
I bring to the table two vastly different wands that both claim to be either “advanced” or “groundbreaking,” and whilst one makes good on its promise, the other… does not. I know wands, and I know what’s good and what’s bad, so strap yourself in because there’s some real good points, but damn there’s some real bad ones too.
Lelo’s Smart Wand 2 is beautiful. I won’t even try to lie. The luxury sex toy line outdid themselves with this sleek design and gold accent. The silicone is so smooth it feels like you’re holding silk. It’s body safe, it’s rechargeable, it’s waterproof, and it’s as quiet as it claims to be. I usually don’t buy into the whole “whisper quiet” claims that companies tout, but the Lelo Smart Wand 2 is actually whisper quiet. When it’s on, the sound is so low that the only way I knew it was on was the fact it was vibrating my hand.
I felt like that picture of grumpy cat — you know, the cat that looks like it’s permanently frowning.
But to every good there’s a bad, and boy-oh-boy the bad is BAD on this.
Perhaps the toy is whisper quiet because the vibrations are so horrible. I knew before I put it on my clit that I would be sorely disappointed, but for the sake of my comparison review I did it. I put it there. And I was sad. The whole time.
I felt like that picture of grumpy cat — you know, the cat that looks like it’s permanently frowning. I frowned whenever I used the Lelo Smart Wand 2. I frowned when I turned it on, and it went automatically to a pattern. I frowned when I had trouble discerning patterns from one steady vibration. I frowned when the vibration was just so bad that at points I took it off me and checked to make sure it was at its highest intensity setting.
I’m at a loss for words for how bad the vibration is on this toy.
I’m baffled that this is the “Smart Wand 2”. That means there was a Smart Wand original, and that means they’ve had chances to fix problems like the ones that put a semi-permanent frown on my face. They’ve had the chance to say to themselves, “Hm, maybe when our consumer turns on the toy it shouldn’t go to a pattern immediately.” They’ve had the chance to make their vibration intensity stronger and not so… Bleh. I’m at a loss for words for how bad the vibration is on this toy.
I take pride in being able to put words to things, to be able to convey feelings to paper. But “meh” is the best I’ve got for this train-wreck of a wand. If something renders me to “eh”, “meh” and “bleh”… It’s bad. It’s horrendous. It makes me feel a deep-seated sense of shame. Shaking my head is the best I’ve got, y’all.
At one point I stopped using the toy mid-wank and called my best friend and said: “What’s so fucking smart about this smart wand?” Sure, they were confused at first, but after some explaining they didn’t have an answer for me.
There’s nothing smart about the Lelo’s “Smart Wand 2”, I’m sad to say. I held high hopes. It quickly reeled me in with it’s sleek and sexy design, and let me down even quicker.
For a price of $199 I would hope it would offer me more than an inability to orgasm, and having to finish myself off with a smaller, infinitely cheaper, not name-brand wand… But you know, my hopes were misplaced. Much like the name of this wand. Dumb thing.
Now, after using Lelo’s Smart Wand 2, I wasn’t feeling up to the challenge of testing out another wand. But the We-Vibe’s Wand sat on my bedside table, waiting to be picked up and tried out, and I had a job to do.
Picking up We-Vibe’s Wand, I won’t pretend like the color drew me in. I mean, purple is my favorite color, but after holding Lelo’s sexy black and gold, it just felt like a step down. Let me stop here folks — I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: looks can be very deceiving.
What this wand lacks in sexy sleek looks or whatever, it makes up for everywhere else. I turned the wand on and was immediately perplexed when all I got was a single vibration and then nothing. I genuinely thought I hadn’t charged it fully. I was ready to groan and put it back on the charger, but it accidentally touched my skin and suddenly it sprang back to life.
Now this should have been called a smart wand.
I took it off my skin and it turned off once again.
On my skin it vibrated.
Off my skin it turned off.
Oh. My. God.
I’m almost embarrassed by how many times I tried this out. Almost. But it’s a fucking cool thing. I touched it to other surfaces and it stayed off, but the moment it touched my skin it worked.
Now this should have been called a smart wand. That feature alone was smart as hell. I was floored. I was perplexed. My hopes were already beginning to soar once more.
But wait — I wouldn’t let myself get too excited. Just because it knew the difference between my skin and a pillow, didn’t mean it would be a good toy in practice. (But already I had a good feeling.)
There would be no fumbling, no frustrating “Oh fuck, I just turned on a pattern when I meant to turn it up” moment.
I held it to my skin as I moved the little nub near the handle up and down, this controlled the vibration intensity, and it felt pretty good. It was as quiet as the Lelo Smart Wand 2, but it felt like the vibrations could actually manage to get me off.
Something else I liked is that whilst there was a little nub to seamlessly change the vibration intensity, there was a button to turn on patterns. This was another smart feature. There would be no fumbling, no frustrating “Oh fuck, I just turned on a pattern when I meant to turn it up” moment.
Listen… This wand has dethroned all my other wands.
To test the toy out, now that’s where it would get real. That’s where I’d see if it was as cool on my clit, as it was off of it.
Listen… This wand has dethroned all my other wands. Putting this wand to use in practice was mind blowing. I found myself in love with every feature it offered — from the smart touch, to the seamless change in intensity with it’s little nub, to even the pattern button. (Yes, I, Wendy Phillips, tried out a pattern and I did not hate it.)
But on top of all of that goodness, this toy also has an app that you can use with it. This makes it even more perfect for partnered or solo play. With a partner you can control it from long distances, and with yourself you can simply customize a pattern that you’d like or have other cool features.
Now the price will sound high, but you must remember all you’re getting. It’s $170 on Spectrum Boutique’s site, and you know that’s thirty dollars less than Lelo’s Smart Wand 2. Still, I know some will gawk at the price. However, Spectrum offers QuadPay where you can have this toy for 4 interest free payments of $42.50 instead of $170 all up front, and I think that’s pretty cool.
Walking into this review I thought I’d be Lelo’s #1 fan. However, I was left sorely disappointed. We-Vibe is the victor of this competition. These toys stood toe-to-toe, and Lelo was left scrambling to keep up with We-Vibe’s truly smart features.
I suppose when you toot your own horn too loud, you can’t hear the sounds of poor vibrations, glitchy patterns, and a sheer lack of smartness to your “smart wand.”
Oh well. At least there’s We-Vibe to the rescue.